today in school, this girl told me i was dumb just because i told her i believed in love like the sunsets, dates and all that cute pretty stuff when you date someone. she also told me that i would get hurt and i just shrugged her off like i know, i’m naive to believe this type of thing because it doesnt always happen, but it’s like i feel like i’d rather believe in this than the other half of love whereas the cruelty and the pain for yearning for someone exists.

like i dont know if i was in a relationship (lol as if it happens again) i’d rather just make someone make them feel special and let them believe that love exists in someway instead of ending up like this one who just fights with her boyfriend who makes everyone around her have  an opinion of their relationship and say “theyre always arguing  or having that disgusted look on their face whenever they fight.

and it’s so sad too because like she barely even lets him touch her or kiss her..and he loves her and i just some people don’t deserve love or even say it is when all theyre doing to their partner is insulting them and fight.

can someone just confirm that i am in fact a shitty person, so i can just move on and believe that i am and know that im not the only one who thinks this.

and i didnt ask you those questions so you can push me away, i asked you those questions because i didn’t want you to.

i get the “sometimes you have to distance yourself to see who cares” but then the other part of me is thinking that’s selfish as fuck. How can you possibly want to push away the person that you know actually does care about you to actually see if they do just because you’re so blind to see it. 

I don’t know it just It fucking hurts,you shouldn’t do that,especially if you talk to that person almost like everyday.

Ugh,idk I’m so tired of being pushed away and it’s like I’m trying to be your person. The person you can confide in and not be scared to tell things to and just sigh, why are people so difficult with the nicest people who just show nothing,but love in return.

it would be nice if someone made the day all about me for once.

Like actually taking the time and just tell me sweet things, what they think of me and why they want me,ask me questions, and just make me feel loved.

It gets so tiring and lonely sometimes having to care about everyone else’s day and asking them how they were when i basically get like 5% into the conversation when it comes to me.

I don’t know, some people dont understand that the one that is helping people out need it too.

decisions, decisions..

well, if you leave me just know that you’re not going to get the happy side of me which i pulled off on my own, but the side that has anger and disappointment because you left me when i needed you the most and you couldn’t stick around.

fuck, I just want to keep trying, but it seems like it’s useless and just uuuugh, whhhhhhhhhhhhy, I hate this so so much. I don’t want it to be over, Christ sake, I want to keep fighting even if I get hurt more than i am now, fuck fuck why don’t  I know the difference between  something that’s good for me and what’s not?

do you know what really depresses me? Me hearing the two most geniue singers that would always make me happy release a depressing album. I hope next year Ingrid and Regina start to make something really happy.